Mikes Thoughts

Saving up for Sunday

Here we have a Sunday after some beer out yesterday. I was sitting at this place I enjoy and watching people go by. Siem Reap has an amazing share of people that are there to watch and speculate on. I like wondering about different people’s lives.

I never really know because they go their way and I leave after the beer I want. Feeling good. Warm inside. Never drunk or messy or unhappy. Beer just doesn’t do that to me. Other people in my orbit it messes with in a less positive way. I don’t like being around them when they drink.

So Sunday steps up and it’s about 17 out there. Coffee is good to quell the little headache until I can go for a walk and feel that power that always seems to come with just the going. It’s music now and I realize how much I miss Robbie Robertson. The song Broken Arrow was always this song to me. Just the feeling of it. The touch of lyrics that have made me happy and sad these years.

I was looking at different ways to host this site. I don’t pay anything on netlify now but there’s vercel and a few others as well. Just read about render and what they do. I do occasionally look at netlify’s dashboard but I am so far under the cost radar there with this little site, I never worry about some potential time when a thing could happen. Maybe that’s a thing about life in a larger sense too. We all have this today. This now and we do the things we must or want or need to do. Living here is like a step removed from having any so-called responsibilities. I don’t ever feel guilty for having nothing to do. Someone asked me what it is I do and I’ve wondered since when is it required to have “something” to do. I think it’s this thing we carry from our work days. This need to have a “thing”. And then we do the thing. How many years are we expected to have things to do? Responsibilities to enact or avoid. I think I spent my share of Sundays doing things that in hindsight I never really wanted to do. Like driving to work on a Sunday because I had to. Or having some call at 10pm local time because of just where our global network team was located.

It’s now though. It’s a Sunday in Siem Reap and I have this coffee and some words to wander down. So I can hear you now...

is there some point to all this?

Well... No. There is no point to this blog really. It just is. Having a point is like having to have something to do. Like someone saying to get to the point. Well why? I don’t have a point to get to any longer. I will go do coffee down the street later. Is that good enough? I’ll just let this rest and catch up with some words with you there. I want music and coffee now.

later that same day

Walked to a nice little spot. Same place as I go just down our street. Very quiet Sunday morning here. As I was getting ready my wife shared some photos of me about two years ago. I hope to never be that way again. So obese. So bad. I had figured once I lost maybe 80 pounds. Now I think more. I’ll never be skinny but I also will never be that overweight again. That seems like another me. This me that still walked and did yoga. But I also did not live my best life then. Food has never been an enemy. I love eating. Beer is something I have just felt I needed living where we live. The main thing is how I do things now. I weighed them probably 275. Now I weigh 170. Sometimes 167. I’ve hit this plateau I feel where what I do each day offsets whatever other things. I also eat only one meal a day. This has never seemed like fasting or making me uncomfortable. It’s felt for the last years like this is just what works.

I wrote this in my journal too. Disbelieving at times how my life has changed in Cambodia. With my morning coffee and some hot tea I watch a Sunday go whatever way it wants. I sometimes feel like this observer. Other times like I participate. What I’ve found is I want no more. I’ve reached the point of having what I need. Wanting what I have. Maybe the Sunday morning quiet and finding this space in life in Cambodia. We all need the space. The place whether it’s Sunday or not we can stop. Today it’s a stop at a little Khmer coffee place.

Just to write a thing or two. Then let it go.