Mikes Thoughts

my backlinks

Somewhere along the way I went some years ago I found that life had to change just once then. I had to leave one place to find more. Leave a relationship that became mired in deception and cheating to find a measure of other things down the road. It sometimes takes dog years to find the other things. My daughter in the US and I have had no relationship for years because my wife here asked her to love her. A khmer thing to say and said with some innocence but to my daughter there it broke the links and she made choices to become what she has. I was writing about it in my journal this morning and it suddenly came to me that all things are connected. My ex-wife cheating on me years ago, my daughter there not talking to me, my wife here. All things become other things but sometimes we obscure the links. We don’t want them or want to see them. The blog for me is the place to surface things. Perhaps let others see the frailty of life and how we draw delicate lines from our then to our now. I wrote,

Life is a set of links sometimes we only see in the rearview mirror.

I choose to write what I do because life is this web of things. Some we can find right away. Others can take a decade but at some point like this morning I can look back and apply some hindsight and see things in that mirror. How each thing led to another thing and a choice or a response. How I ended in Southeast Asia years ago broken, deformed, damaged goods. Then I felt I would never have another person and perhaps it was the best thing. Perhaps I was supposed to go through life slowly learning how to accept a thing. Even doing what a meditation instructor once said about forgiveness. I felt when I reached that point I had finally found a thing which had taken a decade or longer to get done. Of course it came back like backlinks do. When we think we are done, it’s only the half-life that we are done with. We still have time to go with the thing. Things may get smaller in that rearview mirror we use but often they also charge right back into view when we least think.

like this blog

This blog is not meant to be some careless abstraction about how a thing could be or what tech choices I make or about some watch I bought or a car or a house I found. It’s more this little statement of me. Read at your own peril folks. You may get mad, upset, angry. Maybe not. Now I will soon go for my morning walk. Then I’ll write some more because it’s what I do.

Look at your own backlinks. At your life graph. I’ll go have coffee soon.

coffee, a h2 header, life rambles

It’s easy to just go from the house. Chart no course. Find no tailwind. There’s no path really to some coffee shop this morning. My desires. Whims. Fantasies and fancies. I come back to write because it’s this one way to find those little things. Let them arise from morning to now.

Yeah. My back links. Alive and living. I realized there is no acceptance to things. It’s better to do like before. Just do the “living with the things” stage. Once I did find it. It felt wonderful. A release. A letting go of things.

What I’ve realized is we are not meant for that. We humans are always finding the things that go to other things. We even use fancy notes apps that do that.

I’ll just sit with coffee. My wife goes fishing. My daughter here tells me she loves me.

That’s life now. A simpler and gentler thing. With still painful and awkward moments. Because it’s exactly how we all are.