Mikes Thoughts

Getting and going

Friday before we end up going to Kampot. Really wish the fighting would stop along the border. I hear more from my wife now about regular people being displaced, hurt, everything blown up. I had already decided to never go back to Thailand. Ever again. This just reinforces my desire to not return. They love their war toys I think. Their lethal F16 fighters and tanks and people killing machines. The regular people on both sides of the border are the losers. The farmers, shop owners, folks that want to cross the border and sell or buy or trade. I try to not get involved in Cambodian politics here. I feel l am just a visitor here and I live by the good graces of this government. It is hard to see family of mine suffer not because they did something but because some country decides it is okay to bomb and send drones and do stupid fucking crap.

All this stuff of course revolves around the city here since many people leave the border areas and come to Siem Reap to escape. At some point, things will stop because who wants to just fight. Maybe Thailand does. Not sure.

Anyways, this morning. Going to be doing the getting and going. Been thinking of changing out the writing again. I never know until I do. I do know I cannot do one of the web platforms with cute little web editors and that separate me from the writing. Going to walk and write on it this weekend. I really do not mind making changes. It’s probably part of the essence of writing these things. I was reading Chris’ blog about writing on the internet and I can readily identify. I find a thing though and enjoy it awhile and then I walk it back. Right now for me, this is the best but tomorrow? Who knows. Where I’d move all this writing works just as well and it removes the whole GitHub and Netlify things. Yeah, it’s probably back to Blot. Kinda where I was before.

Now it’s music and finishing the coffee in the house. Soon it is the going part of things.

Going

The walk from home to Family Cafe is a nice one in the mornings. About a mile down nice roads. Always friendly people. I try to be friendly back. I think I do okay. Mostly though it’s the walking and the promise of that iced americano at the cafe. To sit here is outside with plants and flowers. This little release. Most places I go coffee is $1.25. Sometimes a little more. Other times less. It really is finding a place where time does its standing still act. Where Siem Reap pauses and lets us all be in our own orbits. Soon my orbit gives another birthday. The last few years have been interesting. Sometimes challenging. Often fun. Mostly weird. My wife asked once if I cared to go back to America and try to get some old photos. She thinks I should have them. My friend Paul in Hanoi remarked,

Just take the memories.

Yeah. I cannot imagine ever going back now. It’s like farther than 17 hours flying. It’s light years of life. When I was back in 2022 it felt strange. Like I did not belong. Mexico seemed this wonderful alternate world and I loved it. A year passed. Then I could go. And I wanted those three days in San Francisco to go. Saw my daughter. Saw some old friends for beer and food. It felt strange and awkward. Back then it was going to be Vietnam. I would go for the month or months. Find some small corner in Hanoi or Da Nang to revel. Mostly just have the same feeling as I do right now over coffee in Siem Reap. This separateness. This aloneness. I guess I’ve grown away from people and their ways.

That’s the going. Next week to Kampot and a dinner at our family’s restaurant. Some beer and then back to what I cherish most. That going on my own to places best experienced just that way. My wife goes her way. She doesn’t question any more. Just accepts. I’ve figured I can live my life here happily. Just cannot be like other barang or feel more Cambodian.

That’s not part of the going. There’s the words now here or maybe somewhere else. All still words and with things how I want.

So that’s the getting. The going. Soon we will go. Down a road and another. To a city away for a few days. I’ll be writing on that day by day. Just like Battambang. Or maybe different. Who knows. I just know I must write the things. Where is up to me.