Mikes Thoughts

Enabling my Now

Woke up this morning after some decent sleep but still a few early times waking up. Thankfully back to sleep and finally when I felt it was time I could do the few little things around the house in the mornings. Put on coffee with our kettle in the bedroom. I appreciate that. If I don’t need to traipse out to the kitchen for things, I’d rather not. Coffee is a pour over French press type thing with supposedly Cambodian bean. I doubt it really but the bag says so. I think lots of coffee here comes from Vietnam. Lots of coffee everywhere comes from Vietnam.

When the water finishes dancing and pulsing, It gets poured over and made into something I always want. That morning wonder of coffee. I don’t do breakfast much anymore. So nothing to wait for food. This morning I will voyage downtown to the Smart Shop to get our wifi router looked at since it decided to stop wifi’ing the other day. It’s an embedded device with a sim card in it so not much I can do. Or want to do. I would prefer to not have it and just do like I am now. Hotspotting the phone to make service happen on the Mac.

Once I talk with the customer service rep, will go somewhere for coffee and sitting downtown. There’s places I love going to just find some time to watch the river and traffic and people. I miss all that with where we live. Used to be I could walk to the river in 5 minutes or so and find time to be at Time Coffee. Now my now is a different one. So instead of missing it I am silently grateful to have some excuse to go and find a new Now and enable it. That’s what this is in a roundabout way. My little day spent puttering away in a tuktuk later this morning. Come on along and I’ll share some moments with you here in Siem Reap town.

coffee now and writing now

It’s always good to embrace the Now. Find this quiet little spot in a busy Noi Cafe. The wind from this morning sighs through the big open windows in the front.

Then writing and blogging become the morning thing. Just with coffee to smooth over the rough spots. Walking after the cell phone store is a given. Cooler breezes mean I will go and enjoy. My Now is almost complete. Watch a few expat vlogs on YouTube about how some people find life here. Always I think that’s their life. Mine seems different. Would never want theirs to be mine. Many come here with savings only. Years to go until some pension kicks in. I don’t make a shitload of money but I would rather have the money each month than deal with a dwindling savings account. I know people need the change. Anyone that lives in America over 50 years old probably does. I don’t know how retirees deal with it there. I still have old friends from the IT days ask me how in the world to escape. It’s never hard. Now with their work realities and challenges with age discrimination they look around more. Don’t blame them.

That’s my Now and welcome to it

And that is how I see things. See things there and here. My view ain’t yours. I left almost 10 years ago. I found things I wanted and lost things I didn’t. Some things like an estranged family back in America are bothersome. Truth is can never change a thing that was. People can only lie about it.

Coffee slowly going. Little blue bag reminds me to get WiFi router looked at. I hope it’s not fixable. I would rather not pay for it. Just use the iPhone to hotspot internet to the laptop. I was going to let this thing go. Instead will wait and walk and make a new now to replace the old one.

Newness of now

Wonderful day for walking I think. The sky had these clouds which looked all fluffy and cottony and moved here and there and I followed along below. I just took roads I walked on before and one I don’t remember. Siem Reap is one of those cities where it’s just big enough to get lost in and small enough to be found in.

Ended up at the Old Market downtown with a mango shake and the wonderful feeling I had been able to just go.

Flash forward

And a day goes by. Why write another post. Just let this one live how it wants. I guess I’m not good at finishing these things sometimes. Sitting among the street at the V Cafe. A little Khmer place I enjoy. They treat me nicely here. I can write on my now. How yesterday seemed to stretch long. How strange dreams turned me this way and that.

It’s difficult doing coffee with expats here. I always feel something is missing. Some basic feeling. Oh. I know what it is.

desire to do the thing

That could be it. I’ve felt for awhile I do not fit well with any of the barang crowd. Like I’m missing something. Or they are. Hell, maybe we both are. I just let the things go the way they should. I live this thing and they sometimes feel like light years away.

That’s just me. Me and V cafe and coffee and feeling finally like I want to see this thing travel to GitHub and netlify. Blog posts don’t really capture how I want to write things. Like little time bound things with dates and photos. Life for me is this Now. So I think I will change things and write less often and include more stuff. I e tried changing to some other platform and it doesn’t work. Instead I’ll write how I think I want to. No drafts. No ideas. Just some things.