Mikes Thoughts

does the difference make a difference

Well does it? A statistics instructor in graduate school challenged us. When we looked at studies or results he would often pose it to us. Lately been wondering things when I sit sometimes with a beer and watch people here. Some people lesser than my age have more basic mobility problems. I see some unable to walk normally. They seem to have crossed over some boundary where the difference does make a difference. Inside I think they are sharp as needles. Outside their bodies bear the brunt of years of not doing the things to make a difference. My own quest. Well yeah.

Two years ago I was obese. I felt ungainly and slow. Like my body would not or could not obey the mind. I wanted something when I weighted 260 lbs. I wanted less. I wanted more. I wanted the difference. My wife took photos then. I was not a pretty sight. Years before I lost weight on a regimen the doctor gave me. I hated it. Hated the pills and weighing and guilt. I felt life conspired against me. Left me to live my remaining years still walking but feeling it made no difference. It did not feel like I could do a thing any more. I was trapped.

Then we moved. A new house with new pathways. Places I could wander. I stopped drinking. Continued walking and doing the yoga and meditation. There were no,

All of these seemed to be things I had dealt with before. With the pills. The doctor. His thinly veiled negativity when I gained a pound. Evil stuff. I also watched this friend Arthur lose weight. He did this through starvation basically. And keeping a spreadsheet of everything in and out. This seemed a horrible way to me to do things. He did this YouTube video on his method. I could not help but wonder the basic question if he was happy and if all that he did made a difference. His life seemed bounded by food he could not eat and an excel monster. He lost the weight but it all seemed to shrink him down in his body. His face once happy looking appeared gaunt and drawn.

So, with this, things happened sorta kinda.

So what happened

Easy. Nothing. I just did. Did the things I thought best. I found this difference that worked. My wife summed it up yesterday.

He eats one meal a day. Eats fruit the other times. He is my strong boy.

At 70 some I am better than my 50 some. I found I did not need all the measures. The charts. The thinly veiled negativity. All I needed was a difference. My difference.

Now I weigh myself not as a torture. Or a guideline. But out of curiosity. Wonder. So I have lost and gained. Now I weigh half of what I did. Life is simply better. More worthwhile. Clothing I used to barely fit into are like tents now. I think inside I have gotten better too. I don’t feel like I challenged myself or felt angry at some doctor or needed a guide or a method. I think it’s easier to just do a thing. I stopped things for a long time. Like beer. I still ate very well. My wife is an excellent cook of all foods.

If someone asked me how I did it, I have no real answer. I just know now and before. I know people ask and tell me I look better. Last night out for the beer, a barang person I know slightly asked if I had lost weight. Waiters in restaurants I go to have commented. Family sees this basic change.

So anyone can do it basically. You don’t need charts and graphs. You just have to want to make a difference I think. These days I walk every day. I eat one meal a day still. Eat fruit and a little bread other times. Do wonderfully relaxing restorative yoga for some amount of time. Do a meditation practice that is my nothing practice. Accept that I love cookies and potato chips and I eat them when I wish. I feel healthier now than in decades. Am I happier? That’s a good one. Not all the time. I found I am just not a happy person in this journey. I am not unhappy either. I just am what I am. Like the famous sailor.

And that’s it. That’s how this difference made a difference. I’ll wait and perhaps add a little more on something completely different. That’s how this blog rolls. Life is not bullets and organization and spreadsheets.

My morning awaits

Kind of my segue. Rain has stopped as I am writing this. Cambodia has favored me hopefully with a morning walk after my beer out. I need both I realize. I need the beer out once a week and my wife accepts it. Meanwhile I will dash out the door soon and do a walk in puddles and small things that happen to cross my path. See you down that road. All right here coming up in some paragraphs. Ain’t you lucky.

Of course it’s a walk and then a coffee. Nothing better than heading to one place but going elsewhere. It’s one of the cooler mornings after a rainy night. I can sit here and find that inner thing. I get the sense of having little and wanting less. The desire to never ever have more things. My wife asks if I need clothes. Underwear. Socks. Whatever. I don’t. The clothes I have are all cheap. Shirts made in Cambodia that cost about $3. Shorts about $7. Most expensive thing are the shoes. Won’t take cheap ones or really expensive. I figure they’re what take me out, get me around. Let me find all the differences.